Sirka Pyaaz – The Galaxy's Leading Satire Tri-monthly

KCR and the Govt. reach an agreement to carve out a separate state from KCR’s big nose.

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December 10th, 2009:

Written by SD, who, thanks to the badly planned bandobast had to travel 32 km to reach his home, which is just 7 km away.

The 10 day long fast unto death was ended last night by K. Chandrasekhara Rao, leader of the TRS party, after the UPA Govt agreed to his demand to create his own state of Telangana.

“It’s true”, said a visibly tired Manmohan Singh. He managed to inject some (albeit dry) humor into the situation saying, “KCR pulled a ‘fast’ and ‘deadly’ one”, further reinforcing the belief that old economists cannot be funny. “We plan to create a part of Telangana from KCR’s nose, but his nose would yield us only 8400 sq km of land. The rest of the land that would constitute Telangana would be carved from Andhra Pradesh. Who are we to deny the constitutional right of a person to be the warlord of his own kingdom?” There had always been reports that you could “create a completely new person from KCR’s nose”, or, “Never stand close to KCR because if he turned around, his moving nose could punch you in the face” but those had been in the realm of internet conspiracies/humor.

This is the second time that his nose has come to the public eye, the first time being a controversy that was created when Al Gore named KCR’s nose as the third largest contributor to the CO2 levels in the world.

“Look at America, they have 50 states”, said one Congress Politician. “We have only 28. We want to be just like them. We need at least another 22 states, so this is a step in the right direction”, he said, while on his way to therapy for low self esteem.

KCR and his son (who, as it turns out, was actually created out of KCR’s nose) went on a fast unto death last week, creating a major breakdown of law and order in the state. “We are finally vindicated”, said his son, even as the heroic Irom Sharmila entered the 10th year of her fast unto death while languishing in the north eastern state of Manipur. “No one has ever fasted unto death for more than 10 days like we have”, lied the ignorant son, who was so faceless up to this point, that the author cannot even remember his name.

Another politician said, “Sure, there are negative aspects. Historically, smaller states have never been successful. Creation of a new state could lead to Hyderabad losing some of its prominence in the country. Everyone would start demanding a state of their own. Naxals would get powerful and aggressive. Governance would be an issue. Unemployment will surely rise. Politicians will plunder the state for what it’s worth. Telangana would be poor because other than Hyderabad and Khammam, they have nothing. Powerful games will be played. Lots of illegal money will be transferred. The common man would suffer. But look at the bright side. It’s good for the local economy. Painters and sign makers will generate a lot of profits because all the sign boards, vehicle number plates etc have to be changed and, you know, other stuff as well.”

It was later reported that the UPA Govt. has asked the All India Institute of Medical Sciences to study whether KCR’s nose, once it grows back, could be used to create spines for themselves.

In a related development, many “For Sale” signs have been put up on various plots of government land across the country. On enquiry, it was found that this land is part of the “Run your own fiefdom” scheme. To qualify, one must undergo a fast unto death and create as much of a disturbance as is possible. This has created some unnecessary ramifications. “Look at that tree”, said an unemployee. “Now look at this other tree”, he said pointing to another tree nearby.” I want all that land to be part of my own state. ” He then proceeded to take a wooden log and mercilessly beat a nearby pensioner as part of the “disturbance” he needed to create in order to qualify.

Naxals too have come out with a statement. “Creation of another state has now made us more powerful because we now have our influence running across not one, but two states. We are now twice as powerful”, said the Naxal leader while all of us stood there scratching our heads, not quite getting his logic.

The day ended with reports that KCR is alive and well at the hospital. He had a glass of juice soon after the announcement was made, and shouted out to the doctors, “Now, bow before me!”. He then mentioned something about declaring war over Karunanidhi and taking over part of Chennai. As he went on with his rant, someone mentioned that it was still a democracy and he needed to get elected to become the Chief Minister of Telangana, and that he couldn’t just declare wars against other states at will. At this point, KCR sat on the bed and cried until someone gave him a candy bar. Loyal party workers then sang their rendition of a popular Telangana lullabye before he finally fell asleep, with his thumb in his mouth.

KCR is scheduled for surgery tomorrow, to remove a large part of his nose. 600 bulldozers have been leased for this purpose, although the country’s leading vets claim that holding KCR’s nose for a while would result in him dropping off his nose. This is a form of defense mechanism commonly used by lizards. Doctors would then need to soak his face in a mixture of warm water and Betadine.


Written by sirkapyaaz

December 10, 2009 at 5:43 AM

Posted in National, Politics

One Response

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  1. wow wow boy, thats a wonderfully apt piece written in perfect style………you wouldn’t have had so much creativity if not for KCR’s super divine porcine nose!!!!

    Anand Kumar

    August 7, 2011 at 11:20 PM

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