Sirka Pyaaz – The Galaxy's Leading Satire Tri-monthly

Facebook Status Messages Cure Breast Cancer

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Originally Published January 11, 2010:

Written by SD:

Breast cancer was eradicated today as millions of female Facebook users changed their status message to the colour of the bra they were wearing. The 5 millionth such post caused patients around the world to go into remission, thereby ridding the world of this ailment and invalidating the work of thousands of medical scientists. “Who would have thought that a simple change of a status message could result in a cure for breast cancer? I spent my entire adult life researching it, but its a good thing, I guess.” said one of the scientists, while clearing out her desk from the Breast Cancer Research Facility, soon to be converted into a movie set.

In happier, more employed times.

Billions of people including the ex-cancer afflicted patients that endured years of painful therapy, their families, who had to endure a whole lot of emotional suffering and random citizens poured onto the streets all over the world to congratulate Facebook users for their brave, selfless act. Many of them gathered outside the Facebook headquarters at Palo Alto. CA, holding banners such as ‘Facebook for Pope’.

“I feel really really great knowing that I contributed to a larger cause” said a student, who spent exactly 4.3 seconds to type out “pink” on her status bar before continuing her game of Farmville.

This is not the first time a citizens initiative has been successful. Terrorism was successfully eradicated, just days after the horrific attack on the Taj Hotel on 26th November 2008, when thousands of citizens lit candles and stood outside the badly damaged structure for a few hours.

In Action: Citizens tackle terrorism by attacking the root.

In a related development, Lance Armstrong has announced that he plans to start a similar programme to create awareness for testicular cancer, more popularly known as “Balls Cancer”.

Here are extracts from some letters sent to the editor (names withheld):

“I was already aware of breast cancer and that women needed to get checked regularly. But I was not aware that my friends ex-girlfriend was a freak. I mean, who wears an orange bra?”

“I dont want to sound like an asshole, but I hope ovarian cancer catches up in terms of being the “in thing” to support. I cant wait to picture all my female friends in panties of different colours. Maybe a few of them could make out with each other after a pillow fight…in the rain.”

“I know this girl who’s all shy and reserved, but I was pleasantly surprised when her status was Red. Now Im quite sure that she has a wild streak. I think Ill ask her to lunch tomorrow.”


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Written by sirkapyaaz

January 12, 2010 at 3:34 PM

Posted in Society/Life

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