Sirka Pyaaz – The Galaxy's Leading Satire Tri-monthly

ICAI to Fight Obesity.

with one comment

Written By SD

Hyderabad: 21 January 2010,

The Institute of Chartered Accountants of India, the body that regulates the profession in India, today encouraged the country to try it’s weight loss programme.

“Indians are increasingly becoming obese. So many people are paying through their nose to weight loss centers like VLCC. We have a cheaper, more effective method. The Chartered Accountancy course.”, announced the spokesman, while holding up the programme brochure.

“This programme has a three pronged strategy. That is, Study, Articleship and Dejection. The ‘Study’ strategy would involve the participant spending long hours studying boring, mind numbing things that he/she has no interest in. Like Information Technology. Numbness of the mind, coupled with lack of sleep and anxiety would easily shave 5-6 kilos off someone. The second strategy is called ‘Articleship’ where a participant would need to work with CA Firm. This is the golden period for weight loss. Here the participant spends 12-14 hours a day doing repetitive tasks that are, again, mind numbing. But this period would also involve eating less, and spending a lot of time traveling to factories in god-forsaken places. Not to mention lack of sleep. By the end of this stage, we expect the person to shed another 12-15 kilos”, continued the spokesman.

“Our third strategy is called ‘Dejection’. Here, we ensure that the participant fails his/her exams at least once. The subsequent dejection, depression and lack of motivation to do anything would ensure a loss of another 10 kilos. This stage of weight shedding would be the quickest, occurring over 6 days after exam results are announced. So we use a combination of these strategies. In addition, we employ various tactics. One of the tactics is to ensure that Suggested Answers books are not available anywhere. This would cause the participant to run around looking for them. That, along with anxiety would burn thousands of calories.”, said the spokesman.

“There could also be a massive bonus in case your audit firm gets caught in a Satyam-like issue. That’s if the participant is lucky enough. But, we guarantee that a participant would lose 15-20% of his/her weight by the end of the course”, concluded the spokesman.

“If they ever manage to complete it.”, said the spokesman as he left the podium.

Move over, Subway Guy: BEFORE and AFTER. This participant was committed to the dejection strategy

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Written by sirkapyaaz

January 21, 2010 at 12:32 PM

One Response

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  1. lol!!!!!!!! I’m loving ur blog!!!!!

    fatgirl36

    February 5, 2010 at 10:06 PM


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