Sirka Pyaaz – The Galaxy's Leading Satire Tri-monthly

President A.P.J Abdul Kalam Addresses Nation On Republic Day Eve

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By: SD
New Delhi: 27 January 2010,

India celebrated 60 years of being a Republic yesterday, with the President, Dr. A.P.J Abdul Kalam kicking off celebrations with the customary Republic Day address to the Nation. The President identified tardy implemenation and corruption as major impediments to double digit growth as we enter a new decade.

“Empowering the poor and the disadvantaged, enabling them to move up the economic ladder, to join the ranks of the prosperous, is a task that must be accomplished by all of us. Women need to be made full and equal partners” said Dr. Kalam, who was addressing the nation on Republic Day for the 8th time.

“This decade will be the deciding decade for India,” said the Bharat Ratna recepient, who, in 2007 unsuccessfully tried to blindsight the country by undergoing a complete sex change operation. “The need is to now draw a roadmap to inclusive growth” continued the ‘Missile Man’ in a woman’s voice.

He also called for urgent steps to reign in food price inflation. “We have to involve the agricultural economy more pro-actively into the growth process, both as a centre of production and as a generator of demand for various products and services.” said the spectacled Dr. Kalam, who, in 2007, underwent a painful process to deliberately induce hyperopia, and an even more painful process of height reduction.

“Development must be Holistic” continued the bindi wearing Dr. Kalam, whose head was covered in a Sari. Strongly advocating greater synergy between the corporate world and the agriculture sector, the President said the “possibility of win-win partnerships between industry and agriculture should be explored”.

Children's President: Dr. Kalam continues to inspire children all over the country. Including the kid to his left (in the top row)

“I used to get inspired by Kalam uncle’s speeches” said 15 year old Karunesh. “He is a true Indian. But, of late, his speeches have become quite drab and boring. And his face used to be so expressive. I think that extensive plastic surgery damaged some facial nerves. I like his versatility though.”

At a press conference later that day, we asked Dr. Kalam if he plans to write a sequel to his book ‘Wings of Fire’ to include his experiences as the President, to which he replied by calling himself ‘Pratibha Patil’, presumably as a joke. Readers will note that this is the pseudonym under which he is currently writing an inspirational new fictional autobiography in Marathi called ‘A woman’s journey’, which chronicles the rise of a woman to the office of the President.

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(The idea for this post came to me after reading this Onion article)

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Written by sirkapyaaz

January 27, 2010 at 5:39 PM

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