Sirka Pyaaz – The Galaxy's Leading Satire Tri-monthly

Ambanis, NTPC, Petroleum Ministry Still Fighting Over Same Shit.

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By SD:

Indians have once again been subjected to media reports of the ongoing fight between the Ambani brothers, NTPC and the Petroleum Ministry. The fight, which has easily been going on for at least a billion years, was over some natural gas that Mukesh Ambani owned Reliance Industries (RIL) found in the Krishna Godavari Basin or somewhere. It seems that RIL struck a shitload of Natural gas in that area way back in 2002 or 2005 or some shit. The shitload of gas was so big that all the big people went ape shit over it. It was smooth sailing for RIL, reports seemed to suggest, but just as RIL was about to start production or selling it or something, Anil Ambani went crying to some court on behalf of his company, Reliance Natural Resources Limited (RNRL).

Mukku seems bored with this shit. Not Anu, though

RNRL hired a team of fatass lawyers that came up with some complicated legal way to stop that shit. Junior Ambani claimed that he was entitled to his share of the gas, or that he wanted RNRL to be supplied first or something, or maybe it was something to do with how RIL would price the natural gas. The courts heard his labyrinthine legal arguments and decided to grant a stay, or refer it to some Empowered Group of Ministers (EGoM). RIL went crying to the courts too saying that they spent a shitload of money on the whole thing.

Suddenly, from nowhere, the Petroleum Ministry got into the act saying that the price of $ 4.33/mmBtu was too low, or too high, no one is really sure. No one even knew what the shit an mmBtu was, but that did not stop a national debate on this issue. Everyone from brokers to investors to the average news watching fool were inundated with news, views and opinions and a whole bunch of other shit that they did not understand. Every new day would bring a fresh barrage of shit over some High Court ruling or adjournment or some comment by some Minister guy. There were days when both brothers would talk shit about each other in full public view. Just as people got used to that, NTPC came out with a statement saying that it too wanted something out of this. That made the shit even more messed up. NTPC of all companies decided to throw its shit into the ring. No one really knows what the shit they wanted, but it seemed to piss both the brothers off. Or maybe it was just Mukesh.

Murli Deora has a lot of shit to deal with.

Soon, NTPC and Anil Ambani went to Kokilaben to sort their shit out. Or maybe Anil Ambani went with his brother. The nation thought that she would take the shit by the throat and arbitrate the shit out of the issue, but she failed to do shit. Then the EGoM comes out with a statement that price discovery should be made at an arms length, or maybe they wanted to control the price. Shit has been flying around ever since. So as of now, no one really knows shit.

We managed to talk to some of the parties involved in this shit. “God knows what the whole thing is about. There was some big ass formula to calculate shit. Thank God they keep coming to me with adjournments. It’s the easiest shit to do.” said a High Court judge on the obvious, shitty condition of anonymity.

“Man, I wait with bated breath for shit to hit the fan. The other day, I made a shitload of money when the High Court supported Anil. Or Mukesh, I can’t really remember shit.” said a trader, who also said that his mantra was to follow the news and immediately place orders based on whether the shit was good or bad.

Sunil Mittal: Not involved in this shit. But Bharti Airtel could soon be involved.

“I hope this shit goes on till next elections. I don’t want to have to make a decision on this shit” confessed a member of the EGoM.

As we wait for shit to settle, we can only hope that the Ambani brothers amicably settle their dispute over national property.


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(This post was sort of inspired by this Onion article)


Written by sirkapyaaz

February 12, 2010 at 8:50 PM

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