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Avatar Most Successful Flick Ever, Sequel to Tackle “societally oppressed”

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By DB, THE DB:

(All Photos taken from Google Images)

The juggernaut of overrated cartoon movie Avatar has steamrolled director James Cameron’s previous sub-standard effort, Titanic, to become the most commercially successful movie in history. A press conference was held yesterday to honour the cartoon, and had dignitaries such as the Finance and Environment Ministers of Na’vi (names unknown) and Cameron himself. The director said – “Look at you idiots. I sensationally claim this shit took half a billion dollars to make and inflated ticket prices to set my own records and all of you flocked to the screens, like a herd of weak, brainless, unoriginal, mass-migrating wildebeest scared of being captured by the cunning lion in waiting. Ok, I have no idea why I made that analogy, but I probably made a few million dollars just for saying it, and those words will now be trademarked by someone somewhere and adapted into a feature film. The point is, you’re all idiots. Now, I’m going to make Hollywood bend over and let me penetrate their arse again by introducing my very own film genre, accurately titled ‘Hype’.”

James Cameron’s avatar, which also makes a cameo appearance

So it has been established that in addition to the well-loved Action, Crime, Comedy, Drama, Sci-fi, War and Romance genres will now stand the genre ‘Hype’. The genre has been created by Cameron to finally classify the string of nonsensical films that tend to invade our sensibilities every summer.  It appears Cameron now intends to tackle established hack directors like Michael Bay and Roland Emmerich at their own game. “Those guys think they can blow up as much shit as they want and earn shitloads for it? I’ll show them”, ranted the not-so-sober taskmaster. “I mean, my effects are so amazing they make Spielberg look like some 2-D amateur.” – added the non-egoistic cartoonist.

As of when we went to press, it was reported that Cameron’s next project was about the oppression of gay Na’vi and how the utopian world of Pandora imports all of humanity’s misery, such as religion, politics, racism, western imperialism, plagiarism, 3-D, and the recession. When asked about the ominous exclusion of war from the list, he esoterically replied, “How gay is that. Don’t you know my ex-wife is the one that makes boring-ass Iraq movies and gets Oscar nominations?”, completely disregarding the fact that the basic premise of the first cartoon itself was war. He wants to set the film in a contemporary Pandora, and plans to use indigenously-developed Na’vi as the cast.

The reported budget of the film is in the region of 100-700 billion USD or 20 tonnes of Unobtainium, and by the time of its release in 2022, will be in the never-before fathomable 6-D, which has been invented, named, patented and sold by James Cameron himself. No known living person has yet managed a glimpse into the technology besides Sam Worthington, Cameron’s newfound protégé and “platonic friend”.

President Obama will (mis)lead the Na’vi to their own demise, and Osama will plan the flying of the USS Enterprise into the gayly named ‘Hometree'

The rumoured leads Angelina Jolie and Robert Pattinson (personally designed by ace cartoonist Cameron)

The sequel cartoon will also have item number cameos from the likes of Pamela “DD” Anderson to attract Indian crowds.

A sample image of some of the gay Na’vi

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Written by sirkapyaaz

February 16, 2010 at 2:36 PM

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