Sirka Pyaaz – The Galaxy's Leading Satire Tri-monthly

I am Neither Dumb nor an Idiot, says man who throws balls for a living

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By SD:

Indian spin ‘bowler’, Harbhajan Singh lashed out at his critics for questioning his ability to throw a ball, saying that a bowler who took 350 wickets over the course of his career could not possible be ‘dumb and an idiot’. Fresh from the victory over South Africa, Harbhajan took the opportunity to impose himself as a non-idiot. Mr. Singh insisted that running and throwing a cricket ball in four or five different ways required a complex interplay of the tens of neurons in his brain, something that would not have been possible if he was a dumb idiot.

Engaged in deep, intellectual pursuit.

“Do you think only dumb idiots get a Padma Shree?” shouted Bhajji, unaware that the ‘journalist’, Barkha Dutt bought one as recently as in 2008. “Idiots don’t play for their country for 13 years” he continued, again unaware that cricketers like Inzamam ul-haq and Kapil Dev played for their countries for many years, yet did not qualify as non-dumb or non-idiots. “Critics have a job to do. I respect it, however, I can make a few points for their benefit. Can a bowler, who often has been in ICC’s list of top 10 bowlers during the last two years be that bad and stupid?” cried Bhajji, again failing to provide a link between throwing a ball and being non-stupid.

“If I was stupid, do you think it would occur to me to throw in a doosra or a slider every now and then? I would just keep bowling offspin.” said the man who angered a lot of people when he actually removed his turban and let his hair flow for a liquor advertisement. “I bowl onto the stumps occasionally because on those wickets where ball does a little, you need to create angles for bowled and lbw decisions to come into the play. If the batsmen can use their feet, why you do not credit a bowler for not allowing a batsman to use his feet?” he said as he tried to show us just how intellectual and deep a game of cricket can be, when it does not put one to sleep or force one to throw expensive objects at the television in boredom.

Theory: You cannot possible be stupid if you're able to twirl your fingers and throw a ball in different ways (like a Googly)

The 29 year old self proclaimed non-stupid ‘bowler’ also said that “nothing but consistent performance” helped India get to the top of the test rankings. He discounted the role of luck to zero using his non-stupid powers. Readers will note that he used his powers of non-idiocy to call [Australian Cricketer/Aborigine/Societally oppressed/Actually has facial features that resemble a monkey’s] Andrew Symonds a monkey in the middle of a cricket ground, in full view of at least 20 cameras and 30,000 people. He then used his non-stupidity powers to claim that he said ‘maa ki’ and expected people to believe him.

“Just as the critics have a job to do, we also have a job to keep India’s tricolour flying. We know what our success means to millions of fans across the world and we are prepared to walk on the fire to bring honour and glory to the country,” he said, assuming that people outside India actually care for this ‘sport’. He also used his powers of non-idiocy to compare the lazy ‘game’ of cricket to walking on fire.

The ‘bowler’ said that critics should put the interest of Indian Cricket above everything else, including their spouses and children.

S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. Sreesanth, fresh from an incident in which he accidentally locked himself in a public toilet for ladies, claims that Harbhajan Singh is in fact an idiot. “Waaah!” cried Sreesanth, jobless as always and still going to Shiv Khera for therapy to remove the horror and trauma inflicted upon him when Bhajji slapped the shit out of him. “He is such an idiot..he..is a bad boy..he is short tempered..hey don’t print this ok, I don’t want to be quoted”, said S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. Sreesanth, who just added a few more S’s to his name. However, we decided to quote him anyway since no one really gives a shit about what he thinks.

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Written by sirkapyaaz

February 20, 2010 at 1:32 PM

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