Sirka Pyaaz – The Galaxy's Leading Satire Tri-monthly

Parle faces flak over Hide ‘n’ Seek Milano biscuits.

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By SD:

Parle, the owner of the Hide ‘n’ Seek brand of biscuits found itself in a legal soup after thousands of consumers complained about the controversial new Hide ‘n’ Seek Milano. This product is currently endorsed by Hrithik Roshan and an extremely hot Italian model. The Milano brand has been plagued mostly by criticism (and some acclaim) right from the production process to its marketing.

Consumers complained that the biscuits smelt like sex and tasted like semen. “I did not see the television ad” said Deepak Singh, who is currently freaking out and rubbing his tongue with a pumice stone. “I did not know that Hrithik Roshan and that Italian chick actually had sex while preparing these biscuits. I felt weird when it tasted salty sweet and smelt like some sort of musky industrial solvent. When I saw the ad later on, I realized that the industrial solvent is most likely Hrithik’s semen. Gross!” he continued as he tried to lick the concrete road in an attempt to get Hrithik Roshan’s semen off his tongue. “Oh man, I just gave Hrithik Roshan a blow job. Fuck! Does that make me a homosexual? Oh no! What if I get AIDS? Holy Shit, I better get to a doctor” he screamed, with his tongue spraying blood all over the road.

Foreplay

“Yeah, it tasted like semen. That was so weird. I was like, what sort of new flavor is this? This is disgusting. I can’t believe I actually put those biscuits in my mouth” said an 18 year old female. When asked how she knew what semen tastes like, she turned red in the face and fumbled for words before walking away quickly.

The Government is not happy with Parle. “This is a blatant violation of standards. This is completely unacceptable. We have asked for a committee to look into this matter. This committee will be formed after we get due approval from a three member High Court bench, which will be constituted once the application for the constitution of a committee is authorized by another committee which is yet to be constituted. But still, sick shit.” said an official spokesman.

Some consumers feel that forgetting this trauma is the best way to go. “I was really messed up for a few days. But I realized that I needed to stop vomiting on strangers every time I thought of this. So now, I just think that the woman was lying on the biscuits while Hrithik was giving it to her. So, anything I ate was from the woman. That makes me feel much better, even though she could actually have been riding him.” said Rajesh Nanem, a student of the chemical arts.

However, not everyone is disgusted with Parle’s new approach to food processing. It has support from marketers that applauded Parle for the accurate portrayal of its production process. Consumers that wanted to have sex with Hrithik, or at least give him a blow job were very satisfied after ‘swallowing’ the biscuits while in sexual fantasy. Some opportunists are even attempting to extract Hrithik’s DNA from his baked semen and use that to create test tube babies, while some idiotic women were trying to shove the biscuits up their vaginas, hoping to get impregnated by his sperm.

We contacted Hrithik Roshan for his take on the issue. He claimed that he no longer represented Hide ‘n’ Seek Milano, citing ‘sore, blue balls’ as the reason for the decision to quit. “I just cannot meet the production demands. My balls need a gap of at least 30 minutes before they can start producing sperm again. So I can go through only 40 batches a day. Max. Besides, we found it difficult to have so much sex. It’s just not possible” he said as he held a pack of ice to his crotch area. “So I guess Parle can no longer produce these biscuits again. Unless they get someone else”

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Written by sirkapyaaz

February 24, 2010 at 8:21 PM

Posted in Corporate, National

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