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Laloo, Mulayam and Amit Kumar Unearth Massive Conspiracy in Women’s Bill

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By SD:

Heroes Laloo Prasad Yadav (of RJD) and Mulayam Singh Yadav (of the Samajwadi Party), brothers (though not really) in arms against the Women’s Bill finally revealed the real reason as to why they opposed the Bill to the extent of almost assaulting a poor helpless old man who was trying to placate the mass orgy in the Orgy House, also known as the Parliament. The country was shocked at the behaviour of the Samajwadi Party and RJD MPs that went beserk, but Laloo and Mulayam (whose name means ‘smooth’ in english) claim that they had every reason to do so, since “the Women’s Bill is nothing but a scam to enslave women”

At a press conference held this afternoon (Editors Note: Our lazy reporters get all their stories only from press conferences), Mulayam said that he was in possession of a minute book that he stole from the Prime Ministers Office while in the guise of a security guard.

“This is a major blow to women’s rights.The UPA is deliberately mocking women. I don’t know how this got past Sonia Gandhi in the first place. Here, let me read out what’s written here.”

1. The main reason we want women in the Parliament is for them to make us sandwiches. I guess a ratio of one woman for every two men is fair enough, anything more would make them lazy. They must also offer to rub the feet of the male MPs every 15 minutes.

Intimate Mr. Pranab Mukherjee to ensure steady supply of sandwich paraphernalia to ensure that women do their work efficiently.

2. They can also help with the cleaning of the sacred parliament building. This will supplement the housekeeping staff by another 185 women. Of course, their duties will not be limited to just sweeping and mopping the floors. They will also have to take care of the canteen.

3. They can serve as eye candy for the male parliamentarians. So we must ensure that only women above a certain non-eyesore threshold become MPs. Further, male MPs will be required to whistle, cat call etc as per their whims and fancies.

4. Good looking chicks can serve as a valuable tie breaker in a diplomatic standoff. Since politicans all over the world enjoy a little bit of infidelity every now and then, women can strategically flirt with them to ensure that India’s interests are not compromised.

5. Honestly, we are sick of the world seeing Pratibha Patil (who is a fine lady, but falls just 3 million miles short of the good-looks threshold. Moreover, she’s old) as the face of India. We should encourage women like Nicolette Bird to join politics.

“See. These are the evil intentions of the present UPA government. Laloo and I were right all the time about how evil and oppressive this Women’s Bill is. We hope that you open your eyes atleast now, and bring down this evil government. Evil.” said Mulayam (which, incidentally, is also the name of a village in Thrissur District, Kerala) before throwing the microphone at the journalists. He then stood up, pushed the table off the stage and set the curtains on fire.

When asked whether we could see copies of the document for ourselves, Mulayam spat paan all over us, tore our shirts and slapped us.

Within minutes, Mulayam and Laloo called for another press conference outside the burnt remains of the venue of the previous press conference.

“Actually, we think that the Women’s Bill is quite empowering. So as of now, we don’t intend to bring a no confidence motion in Orgy House” said Laloo, and walked away into the sunset with freshly minted Rs. 1000 notes falling out of his arse.

In other news, Amit Kumar, 27, also unearthed an inconsistency in his wife’s credit card bill. This inconsistency could grow into a massive conspiracy within minutes, sources suggest.

“Hey. Why is there a charge for Rs. 4000 for a honeymoon suite in a resort on February 14th? I thought she was spending the weekend with the kids while I was out of station. Oh, wait. There’s another charge of Rs. 1000 to a day care center. On 14th and 15th? Thats pretty weird” thought Amit as he looked through his wife (of 4 years) ‘s credit card bill.

As of press time, Amit’s wife was banging her co-worker.

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Written by sirkapyaaz

March 10, 2010 at 5:08 PM

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