Sirka Pyaaz – The Galaxy's Leading Satire Tri-monthly

The life and times of Mayawati.

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He is probably one of the most notorious politicians in the country, but his story is one of the most awe inspiring journeys that one can aspire to have.  From a town in Uttar Pradesh to the corridors of Sonia Gandhi’s temporary home,  the journey of this short man is the symbol of struggle and victory against all odds.

Mayawati Kumar, 54, (who was recently voted as the most eligible bachelor in U.P) has seen it all and done it all. He became the youngest Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh in 1995 after he bought himself the trust of the Dalit community. Even more awe inspiring is the fact that he is the first Dalit to become the Chief Minister of any state in the country.

Inspired Smile: Who would have though that this short, fat, stupid man would one day be a beacon of light for Dalits?

Everyone in his hometown of Bulandshahr is proud of their “Son of the soil”. “He was a quiet little fat boy who never really interacted with anyone” said one of her school teachers. “He wasn’t the best student though. Some of the kids made fun of him, calling him a ‘Dull-it’. Of course, he never got past the third grade and had to quit school soon after. But I’m proud that a student of ours has managed to snag the top post in the state.” said the proud teacher.

While we listened to her teacher, we could not help but be amazed at how Mayawati overcame ridicule and discrimination and proved everyone wrong. “He was suffering from elephantiasis, the horrible disease. What made it worse was that he had elephantiasis in his face. This, coupled with his low caste nature made his life hell in the 7 years that he spent in third grade. I guess that explains why he chose an elephant to symbolise his party.” continued the teacher.

“He was one of the finest politician students that we had. He was very polite and courteous when he threatened to have my wife and kids chopped to little pieces if I did not give him a degree.” said a professor from his alma mater, Kalindi College Delhi, who is still undergoing trauma therapy.

Show of Power: The guy to his right was later caught with 42 notes tucked away in his pocket.

Political life is always hard. The satisficing decisions that one has to make rarely find consensus. One of the difficult decisions Mayawati had to make was a classic Schools-or-Statues problem (modeled on the Guns or Butter problem in Economics). He faced massive opposition when he chose to construct 2000 statues of himself instead of 200 schools, but he overcame that with “faith and will power”. Another difficult decision he had to make was to choose whether to use Rs.175 crores develop the area around Taj Mahal or blow it up on a Birthday bash. Needless to say, he made the right choice.

Opposition was always stiff in Uttar Pradesh and Mayawati is perpetually in a turf war with Mrs. Amar Singh and Mulayam Singh Yadav. The war came to a tame close in 2007 when Mayawati bitchslapped Mrs. Amar Singh to a life of worthlessness in his bid to become King of U.P. His electoral landslide in 2007 meant that he finally got a massive foot in in New Delhi and it’s only a matter of time before he becomes the 14th Male Prime Minister of the country.

Another tough decision was made just yesterday, when Mayawati had to choose between making a garland that had Rs. 2 crore worth of Rs. 1000 notes in it, or spend that money on better infrastructure. True to his benevolent nature, he chose the garland. He now plans to string together 56 elephants, hunted from all over the world and place them around his neck.

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Written by sirkapyaaz

March 16, 2010 at 9:33 PM

Posted in National, Politics

One Response

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  1. Agar yahi noto ka haar kisi dusre neta ko pahnaya jata to shayad log is bat ka itna bada issue nahi bnate, per bnaya gya kyu ki ye haar ek aise neta ko pahnaya gya jo sahi mayne ne humare liye kuch kar rhi hai

    Anamika Jaiswal

    July 20, 2010 at 12:50 PM


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