Sirka Pyaaz – The Galaxy's Leading Satire Tri-monthly

Maid Implicated by Apartment Housewives

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Lakshmi, 34 or 36, was sentenced to unemployment after an 8 member bench of housewives found her guilty of misappropriating a pair of slippers. Human Rights activists protested against the hearing after Lakshmi was not allowed to plead her case in front of the 8 housewives that gathered in the courtyard of the Positive Residency Apartment this evening.

The case was heard by the distinguished housewives, who spent a record 6 hours discussing their evidence, theories and options. The plaintiff, Mrs. Gayatri implored the bench to sack the accused immediately on charges of “taking my son’s slippers and then lying about it”. Professed Mrs. Gayatri, whose husband is due for retirement from an SBI branch “I’m sure she took my son’s slippers. One day they were there and the next day they disappeared. When I asked her about it, she claimed to have no knowledge about it. I asked her to bring the slippers back.” continued the housewife, whose son is currently working in “Dull-aas”, Texas.

“Wow” went the bench that was seated in a circle near the unused badminton court. “Yeah, that maid was always shady. I remember seeing her on the 4th floor once, even though she’s not employed by anyone on the 4th floor. I think I need to check my shoe cabinet to see if anything’s missing” said another member of the bench, who retired from all active life soon after marriage.

“Yeah, and to think that she once cleaned my house when my maid didn’t show up. We need to be more careful. These maids are all thieves.” claimed another housewife whose day ends at 11 am. “I remember how she mopped the floor without really pressing the mop. I should have taken that as a sign”

The bench then discussed the above points over and over again, till they caught a passerby and spoke to him about the evils of this particular maid for 20 minutes. Exasperated, the passerby faked an emergency call and fled the place.

The members of the bench pondered over the one-way decision for another 4 hours and finally arrived at the decision to relieve Lakshmi of her duties and, as further punishment, to withhold her salary for the part of the current month.

As of press time, the slippers lay hidden behind the shoe cabinet of Mrs. Gayatri.

EDITOR’S UPDATE – Sirkapyaaz has now, through an incident of divine coincidence, entered the same distinguished league of none other than…wait for it….The Onion. They published a very similar article less than 12 hours after this gem was published. We are unbelievably and frenetically flattered that the content of their article is ridiculously similar to the above. However, given their billions of years of experience and their amazing ability to be absurdly funny, their article is obviously a billion times better. But still…

This is just to inform our scarce readers that we have professional integrity and if you think we are stealing from The Onion, we are not . Imagine the odds….this is crazier than fuck.

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Written by sirkapyaaz

March 18, 2010 at 11:40 AM

Posted in Society/Life

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